The process that consists when you are training for a marathon, is going to become difficult at times. But as you endure through the lows as well as the highs, you will build your health and strength to new levels that you never before though you could achieve. Building that endurance and health takes time and effort to succeed your goals. Marriage is just the same, to have an enduring and healthy marriage, both spouses must be willing to make time for each other and show effort in supporting one another in various degrees of life.
The first foundational process in achieving a successful marriage is a personal commitment to the marriage covenant. We see that in the world today if a marriage is contractual, it is much easier for spouses to leave when they are not receiving what they agreed to. Where as when a couple is married in the covenant, they are bound together by the powers of God. When they are struggling or finding hard times, they are more likely to work together to find their way through it…. Some people are committed to the marriage because of other constraints binding them together such as the cost of divorce or staying in it for the kids. These kinds of constraints can be helpful during difficult times but will not bring personal fulfillment. In order to receive fulfillment in a marriage, one must be more personally dedicated. This means that they should be invested in the other person and desire their spouses happiness as well as their own.
If someone is currently struggling with their level of commitment, there are things that can be done. President Kimball said, “The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.” This commitment and union to spouse is not just a happy thought or something we should do halfheartedly. Heavenly Father gave this as a commandment and it is essential for a successful marriage.
The second foundational process refers to the obligation that we have to love our spouse. Loving our spouse and being in love with our spouse are two different things. We all remember those butterflies that made us so giddy whenever we spent time with our significant other in the early days of dating. However, loving our spouse is a choice we must make. “Love, as distinct from ‘being in love’ is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit.” What this means to me is that we don’t just fall into a perfect marriage. It isn’t possible. We have to build it, one step at a time.
The third foundational process is positive interaction. Successful marriages are built when both spouses choose to focus on the positive qualities of each other and have more positive interactions than negative. The opposite of this would be “fault finding” or choosing to dwell on the faults of your spouse. Someone who desires to build a successful marriage could write down three good qualities, characteristics or acts of service from their spouse every day.
Accepting influence from one’s spouse is the fourth foundational process. Although difficult at times, it’s important to be willing and ready to listen to and take direction from your spouse. There’s always going to disagreements, but the important thing is that you are respectful to one another no matter what. This shows your spouse that you have true intentions to understand where they’re coming from.
This leads us into the fifth foundational process which is to respectfully handle differences and solve problems. Differences are to be expected when two very different people from different backgrounds combine their lives together. It’s kind of like with my toddler–I pick my battles! The same goes for your spouse. You can prevent problems by choosing not to get upset about little things, like the cupboards being left open, or the pitcher of water not being filled. The scriptures teach us the contention is of the devil. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t confront our spouse if we have a problem, but it does mean that they way we go about solving problems is important. Anger should never be present, even if that means you need to take a break before addressing the issue.
Continuing courtship through the years is the sixth foundational process. Once we are married it does not end the “dating” stage of a relationship. We must continue to spend that quality time with our spouse and be involved in their everyday lives, more than just being their spouse. Just like a skill or a talent that we work hard to obtain and then to maintain. Our marriage should have that same desire to improve it and perfect it everyday. It is up to us keep that love alive and build upon it to reach new levels.
In conclusion as we are striving to improve or continue to strengthen our marriage. It would be wise to follow these six foundational processes and seek to work everyday on our most precious relationship. As we implement these processes in our lives we will see a difference in our marriages, And be able to grow and learn from our spouses, but we must remain humble and willing to listen to our spouse. As well as the spirit of the Lord, who will help us in this journey of marriage.
Family Thought Tank 