Within chapter 20 of Successful Marriages and Families, it discusses repentance and forgiveness within a family. There are going to be times in any family where siblings or parents disagree, and sometimes it is not that big of an issue. But, there are also times that family disagreements can be catastrophic within the family as a whole. These times are not always going to happen but when they do, how do you handle the situation?

Being hurt by a family member is something that is really hard to overcome and can be even harder to forgive. For me though, I feel that forgiveness is an essential part of life and we need to be able to forgive those that are in our family. In the Doctrine and Covenants: 64:10 it says, “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” As we can see from reading this verse, it is “required” of us to forgive everyone. I know that there are many times and circumstance that are really hard to get past and forgive that certain person. Which is why in these times we need to turn to the Lord and our Heavenly Father.

Although we are told we must forgive, it is not always the easiest. It can be a very daunting task when you have been hurt by someone that you are close to. At times it may seem that you will never be able to let go and forgive that person for the wrong that they did, but with the help of the Lord, we can get through that struggle. I am not saying that forgiveness is going to come easy or fast, but it will be a lot more honest and true if we include the Lord in the process.

One thing that is always hand in hand with forgiveness, is repentance. Repentance as taught by Elder Neil A. Maxwell, is, “A greek word which means a change of mind, such as changing one’s view of self, God, the universe, life, others, and so on.” The way that I look at how theses two principles fit together is that, when you are seeking to repent you are going to have to forgive your self. The repentance process is something that takes work and effort on the part of the participant. They are not going to just be given a free pass, it will hurt and it will take time. As you go through the process and see the changes that you are making, you have to be able to forgive your own self. If we cannot forgive ourselves, are we truly repentant?

I believe that when we are seeking repentance we are asking the Lord and Heavenly Father to forgive us and remember our sins or wrong doings no more. We must then seek to also forgive our own self, I know that we cannot clear our memories of those events that caused the repentance. But we are able to feel that love of our Savior and know that He has forgiven us and will still be with us on our journey.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson said, “Whatever the cost of repentance, it is swallowed up in the joy of forgiveness.” So just remember that if you have to face that repentance process and feel that you will not make it. Just know that when you forgive others and they forgive you, it will be a joyful experience. Importantly, the moment that you are able to forgive yourself, the weight of that burden will be lifted. So keep trying to be like Christ in all that you do, and seek His helping hand that is waiting to pull you up.

In the world today, the family is getting attacked more often by Satan, to try and destroy families. There are so many distractions that are placed in front of families that are slowly diminishing relationships. Phones, video games, work, and much more, are taking the place of conversation and interaction between parents and children. As well these distractions are keeping kids, teens, & even adults from getting up and moving. There are more and more children and teens that are obese because of lack of exercise and a proper diet. They are playing video games and snacking all day which is not a healthy activity for them to be doing. This is why we need to take back our families and work on building strong families through recreation activities.

Building a strong family is going to take hard work and great effort. We are fighting against the world that we live in to help our children build an healthy lifestyle and a spiritual lifestyle. With the hard work that it takes to grow a strong united family, there also has to be that point when you know where to back off. There are going to be activities that you do as a family where not all the family will enjoy it, so give it a break at times. Reach out to your children and spouse, see what they would like to do for different recreation activities. As they share their activities be there and be excited to do something that they love.

My father-in-law loves to play golf and would honestly play everyday if he could. but while my wife was growing up it was a “forced family fun” activity that they had to do a few times a month. This in turn was actually the wrong thing to do, for my wife at least. Now that she has grown and has her own choices, golf is something that she stays completely away from. So there are times when we can have our kids do things that we love and enjoy, but we must also remember their hobbies.

Another difficulty in building strong families through recreation, is the factor of time. Through out our lives we are going to have a battle with finding the time to fit everyone schedule together. Between work and school for children it is rather hard to find the time together as a family. That means that as the leader of your family, when those schedules do work out together, make sure that they are meaningful hours spent together. I will always remember growing up when summer was in season, a great deal of time was spent picking blueberries. Through the week we would pick with my mother, after she was home from work. My father worked most nights, so on the weekends we would all go out as a family and pick more. It was those times that we would spend out there together just talking and picking on each other, that I will forever cherish. Most importantly, it was those simple moments that made the best memories.

That is one thing that I would like to point out is. Building a strong family through recreation is not something that costs lots of money. There are a lot of activities that can be performed in your back yard. So, don’t feel that you have to show your kids that you have money to spend on them to have a great family. Let them know that you just truly care about them and want what is best for them. They will remember those moments a lot longer than the ones that hurt the bank.

Looking back to the very start of the world, Adam and Eve while in the garden, were given a commandment to have children. Parenting became a key role in their life from the very beginning and has continued to play that part in life today. Adam and Eve very early realized the importance of agency. That we all as individuals have our own ability and right to make choices. This being something that they were able to learn early in this world, they focused on teaching their children the commandments of God. By so doing, this gave them the assurance that their children knew and understood the ways of the Lord and importantly right from wrong.

We know that parenting is totally different for every parent. All the families that are on this earth are unique from one another, and this makes it impossible to write a “handbook” on parenting. Of course there are tips and advice that is handed down from generations, but it is then up to those new parents to figure out how to implement it into their families circumstances. Some of the greatest words of advice that we can read are in the scriptures and we can also receive guidance from our prayers with God.

Receiving guidance from our prayers, is essential in parenting. Because God created us all and knows us, so he would understand how to help us as parents raise our children. Because we are all different in personality and have different struggles that we may face physically or mentally. This is why we as parents have to be willing to adapt to different situations when raising children. It is never going to be the same with every child you have. Even twins that are beside each other the whole way have different personalities, they will require different parenting styles.

Parenting is a great blessing and is going to teach us so much about ourselves. We are going to have challenges and our children are going to test the limits. When times get hard and children start to turn away from the guidance of their parents, we have to show an unconditional love for them no matter what. As parents we are an example and an influence to our children, and if we teach them while they are young to live righteous lives. They will find the truth for their own will, and all we need to do is continually show them love and support in all that is right.

Often in the society today, a father is look at as someone that solely provides temporally for the family. A father is the one that goes into work and pays the bills. But a father is so much more than that, they play huge roles in the life of their children. For me personally, my father, is my greatest hero here on this Earth. He has helped with my mom to raise me into the man that I am today. And being a father, I am able to see the importance of being a leader in the family.

What does it mean to be a father? Being a father is not an easy thing to do, you are a great lifeline to those that depend on you. President Ezra Taft Benson said that a father’s calling, “is an eternal calling from which [he is] never released”. Fathers are one primary providers of their family, as circumstances allow. They sacrifice the time that could be spent with their children to allow the nurturing power that mothers carry to fill the home. Fathers play a major role in the development and behavior challenges that their kids may face throughout time.

I recall that my father was always trying to be there for my sporting events growing up. Even when he worked night shifts he would come to my games and show his support and love to me. Little does he know that those sacrifices of when he could have been sleeping a little longer, didn’t go unnoticed. I know that through the effort and example of my father that I am who I am today. In reading the “Successful Marriages and Families” it says that fathers, “For fathers, the fundamental task of parenthood is to be generative, to bless generations.”

Let us honor our fathers as they are doing a great work in taking on the task of building up hard working generations. Fathers are there to help and build the future of our rising generation. With Father’s Day coming up, be sure to let your fathers know that they are loved and appreciated. Give them the knowledge that they have done well with the way that they have raised you, and let them know that their sacrifices were not left unnoticed.

The Family Proclamation teaches us that the primary role of a mother is to nurture their children in love and righteousness. Although scientific evidence continues to show the importance of motherhood, mothers often feel undervalued and unappreciated. In my experience, our culture and society puts so much pressure on women to perform in their careers and in the workplace putting their children as second priority. It can be challenging to understand why mothers are vital- just at first glace it seems that all they do is cook meals, clean the house, feed the kids and pay the occasional bill.

In history, before the industrialization of everything, women and men worked side by side with one another. This was doing all of the work, in the garden and the house. But as the world started creating factories, it took the men away from the home to work. This in turn left the women in charge of all the tasks that were required to complete daily at home. As time progressed it became more and more prevalent that women were to just stay home and do the work there. This became the normal thing to see and it was just the way that everything was “meant” to be.

As time has continued to progress, the changes in the world, show that its not just the normal thing to see. Women are now working in the career force just as much as the men around them, and some are even climbing the ladders of success. Now this has become the norm and it is taking away from the importance that comes with being a mother. Women today are being more praised for their worldly successes and triumphs, than for being a mother that is nurturing and raising the leaders of the next generation.

Mothers are a special gift that we are blessed with, in the words of President Spencer W. Kimball, “Mothers have a sacred role. They are partners with God, as well as with their own husbands, first in giving birth to the Lord’s spirit children, and then in rearing those children so they will serve the Lord and keep his commandments.” Mothers hold a great role in life to help raise the children of God. Through this sacred duty motherhood should be seen in great importance and allowed to be focused on over work.

“…They had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.” (Alma 56:47)

When my wife and I decided to get married we were 21, and at first I was really scared. I was worried about what I was going to do for a career and was I going to attend college. Then it began that I would have to not only provide for myself but one other person as well. It was a lot of pondering and praying to know that I was making the right step. I was young and still had a lot of life ahead of me. But now I have spent all that time with my wonderful wife and our two sons.

In the world around us today it is to often that young adults wait until they are in their late 20’s and early 30’s before getting married. There is to much pressure put on them to get through school and either gain a higher education or get a great career started. With this influence that is projected in society today it is very rare that you see young adults actually dating and having a formal courtship. Yet despite the lack of young adults having formal courtships and dating today, there is still a desire for a successful marriage (Hawkins).

So, then why if young adults have a desire to find a successful marriage are they taking so long to do so? Some feel that it is a greater achievement to experience the single life completely before they are ready to settle down and start a family. Another reason I feel is that young adults today are to focused on their own self, that they seek their gain and feel that they should be financially independent and ready before taking on marriage. I always have to laugh to myself when I hear a couple say that they are waiting to have kids when they become more stable financially. If this is what we are waiting on, well we are always going to be waiting. Because money can play a good role or a bad. You will almost always feel that the money you have is not enough.

Be sure as you raise your children, teach them to date. The only way that the view of society can be changed is by our youth and the future that they create. If we as parents teach our children the importance of dating and a courtship it will change the outlook on marriage. They will then see marriage as a great and exciting event rather than something that is going to take away their single life experience. Let us help those young adults see that marriage is a great step for them in life. Give them encouragement and advice on growing in marriage and I feel that they will seek for marriage much faster.

Throughout history it has always been that the women was to stay at home and do the tasks of cleaning and cooking. Yet, as time has gone on we are now able to see that the women of the world are capable of doing so many great and wonderful things to help others and to change the world. The Women’s Rights Movement has made it possible for women to receive education and work in careers that they haven’t always been a part of. Although this change has been wonderful, we can also see how Satan has pushed it to the extreme, enforcing the idea that men and women should be not only equal but identical. I think it’s important to distinguish between these two words: equal and identical. In terms of marraige, to me, equal means that one person is not higher than the other. Both husband and wife have just as much of a say in any important decision. Identical is not the same as equal. It means that they are exactly the same. This is just not true. Women and men were created with different body types, ways of thinking and talents.

When I think about equality I am reminded of my parents. Growing up, both my parents worked and shared the load. Both parents did what they could to help when required. It was normal to see my dad doing laundry and cooking dinner and it was just as common to see my mom mowing the lawn. They shared the responsibilities of raising a family and keeping a home and both had an equal say when it came down to decisions.

My wife on the other hand was raised in a very traditional home where her Dad worked and her Mom stayed how to take care of the kids and home. Though the way in which they managed the affairs of the home was different, I would also say they had an equal partnership. They were both happy with their contributions and felt supported by the other.

I think how we choose to manage our homes and raise our family doesn’t matter as much as the way we support each other. During this time of our lives I have been pursuing my education and my wife has taken care of our children, home and worked. When I can I do my best to help her by cooking, cleaning the house or doing the laundry. She knows if I need her help, I am there. I will never tell her, “That’s your job,” and neither will she.

As we raise our family, I plan to teach my children that equality between man and women is a great lesson that they need to learn. I hope that through my example of the way that I treat their mother, with respect and listen to her thoughts and decisions. That my children will see that marriage is an equal partnership. As well I hope that they will be able to learn that, when they are married they should help out in any degree they are capable.

The process that consists when you are training for a marathon, is going to become difficult at times. But as you endure through the lows as well as the highs, you will build your health and strength to new levels that you never before though you could achieve. Building that endurance and health takes time and effort to succeed your goals. Marriage is just the same, to have an enduring and healthy marriage, both spouses must be willing to make time for each other and show effort in supporting one another in various degrees of life.

The first foundational process in achieving a successful marriage is a personal commitment to the marriage covenant. We see that in the world today if a marriage is contractual, it is much easier for spouses to leave when they are not receiving what they agreed to. Where as when a couple is married in the covenant, they are bound together by the powers of God. When they are struggling or finding hard times, they are more likely to work together to find their way through it…. Some people are committed to the marriage because of other constraints binding them together such as the cost of divorce or staying in it for the kids. These kinds of constraints can be helpful during difficult times but will not bring personal fulfillment. In order to receive fulfillment in a marriage, one must be more personally dedicated. This means that they should be invested in the other person and desire their spouses happiness as well as their own.

If someone is currently struggling with their level of commitment, there are things that can be done. President Kimball said, “The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.” This commitment and union to spouse is not just a happy thought or something we should do halfheartedly. Heavenly Father gave this as a commandment and it is essential for a successful marriage.

The second foundational process refers to the obligation that we have to love our spouse. Loving our spouse and being in love with our spouse are two different things. We all remember those butterflies that made us so giddy whenever we spent time with our significant other in the early days of dating. However, loving our spouse is a choice we must make. “Love, as distinct from ‘being in love’ is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit.” What this means to me is that we don’t just fall into a perfect marriage. It isn’t possible. We have to build it, one step at a time.

The third foundational process is positive interaction. Successful marriages are built when both spouses choose to focus on the positive qualities of each other and have more positive interactions than negative. The opposite of this would be “fault finding” or choosing to dwell on the faults of your spouse. Someone who desires to build a successful marriage could write down three good qualities, characteristics or acts of service from their spouse every day.

Accepting influence from one’s spouse is the fourth foundational process. Although difficult at times, it’s important to be willing and ready to listen to and take direction from your spouse. There’s always going to disagreements, but the important thing is that you are respectful to one another no matter what. This shows your spouse that you have true intentions to understand where they’re coming from.

This leads us into the fifth foundational process which is to respectfully handle differences and solve problems. Differences are to be expected when two very different people from different backgrounds combine their lives together. It’s kind of like with my toddler–I pick my battles! The same goes for your spouse. You can prevent problems by choosing not to get upset about little things, like the cupboards being left open, or the pitcher of water not being filled. The scriptures teach us the contention is of the devil. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t confront our spouse if we have a problem, but it does mean that they way we go about solving problems is important. Anger should never be present, even if that means you need to take a break before addressing the issue.

Continuing courtship through the years is the sixth foundational process. Once we are married it does not end the “dating” stage of a relationship. We must continue to spend that quality time with our spouse and be involved in their everyday lives, more than just being their spouse. Just like a skill or a talent that we work hard to obtain and then to maintain. Our marriage should have that same desire to improve it and perfect it everyday. It is up to us keep that love alive and build upon it to reach new levels.

In conclusion as we are striving to improve or continue to strengthen our marriage. It would be wise to follow these six foundational processes and seek to work everyday on our most precious relationship. As we implement these processes in our lives we will see a difference in our marriages, And be able to grow and learn from our spouses, but we must remain humble and willing to listen to our spouse. As well as the spirit of the Lord, who will help us in this journey of marriage.

Through out life some may wonder, is there more to this or are we just gone after we pass away. Do family members that we love and cherish just leave us to never be seen again? Something that I have been able to learn and understand is true, is that we are not just gone after our last day on this Earth. I hope to share with you my knowledge on this subject and that it can bring a greater sense of peace into your life, as it has mine.

As the scriptures state, in Genesis 1:26, “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness…” from this we can see that we are created after the image of God. He is our heavenly father and created us and all things that are around us. Creation is one of the key doctrines that the plan of salvation is based on. With the creation we are able to learn and understand that through God we and all things were created and given our spiritual lives. Reading in the document “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” written by the Prophet and apostles of the Church in 1995. It states, “each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.”

But if we are son’s and daughter’s of heavenly parents, then what does it mean to be a part of an eternal family? President Henry B. Eyring, has said, ” Eternal life means to become like the Father and to live in families in happiness and joy forever.” When I was reading that quote for the first time, it really brought a greater feeling of happiness to me. I love my family more than words can explain, and being able to live with them forever is all that I can dream for. Through the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ that was restored to the Earth through the Prophet Joseph Smith, we are able to be sealed to our families for eternity.

Living at this time to know that we are capable, if we live the gospel of Jesus Christ and make sacred covenants with him that our families we create will last forever. I am so blessed in my life to have a wonderful family that I can call my eternal Family. Marriage is when we become one, with our spouse. As we make that covenant of eternal marriage we are promising to our spouse and our Heavenly Father that we are going to work our hardest to return back to Him, with our families. So, we must do our part as He holds to his promises that He has made with us. If you falter, do not fear, because He still loves you and will be there to help you through any time in your life.